Critters

You know how you wake up sometimes and there are all of these little squeaking sounds in your ears? It may sound like a low buzz or a chirping, or maybe a slight rustling from footsteps. Neither do I, but you would think we would with all of the little critters living inside of us.


I didn't use know about them. I thought I was on my own. Until one day when they really shook me.


—


I was walking, just jaunting around Long Beach like I always did on Saturday mornings, when the world started spinning. I put my arms out to try to steady myself but to no avail. I had to sit. Sit right down in the middle of the street, on Atlantic Avenue, and get my bearings. There was a rapid sense of unsteadiness inside my chest and I had to close my eyes for a bit. A passerby, an oldish lady, I think, tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I was okay.


I don’t know, I said. Just give me a minute.


Well, you’re in the middle of the street so maybe I should give you a minute on the sidewalk instead. 


That made sense but I couldn’t move, so I just sat for what seemed like an hour but was most likely a minute or two. Soon my body took a rest from the teacup ride and I opened my eyes. Things were back to normal. 


What was that? I asked myself. 


I walked on down to the ocean as I had planned to do previously with a lot more caution and a sense that something was seriously wrong. 


—


Months passed and life was good again. I chalked it up to an oddity and just moved along my way, going to the office, hanging out with the crew, and living a great life as I always had.


But they weren’t done. 


Seems they had found some pleasure in pulling those little strings inside my head, my ear I now know, and were about to take me on another adventure into the unknown. 


Now usually when you hear about an adventure into the unknown you get excited, like it’s a trailer for an upcoming movie or something, but this “adventure” wasn’t of that variety.

I was at our favorite Thai place and we were having a lovely night, Jose and I. I stood up to go to the restroom and whoa that place was spinning. I almost lost my footing and had to lean against the wall. A waiter came over and asked me if I had had too much to drink or was having a stroke. I brushed him off and said that this just happened sometimes. 


It settled in about a minute, I think, and I continued on into the bathroom, heart racing and mind up in arms. What in god’s great earth was wrong with me?


Later that night it happened again. And then again. And again. And again. I found myself at odds with my own body. Luckily I could see that it would only last for about a minute so I realized that if I stood real still or sat down I would regain my balance in no time. 


Still, it was strange. Before this, I had always been able to trust myself.


I went to the doctor and what I learned was a crazy tale.


A family of tiny beings had taken up residency in my ear.


__


You see, there are these strings in your vestibular system (the inner ear) that your body usually controls but if these little devils get into there, and make themselves a home, you can be really in for it. 


They love the warmth of the inner ear and their favorite thing to do is to play around with those strings. They pull on them to alert the family that dinner is ready and to let the kids know it’s time to come in from playing. They just love watching their giant host fumble through basic things like walking, especially when they are trying to do something important like go down an escalator or cross a busy intersection. They really get a kick out of that.


Basically, they are the tiny marionette masters and you are the gigantic fumbling puppet.


Once I learned this I laughed. Seriously? The best you can do is laugh when you find out you’ve got unwanted guests, especially when there is no way to get them to leave and they’re living inside your ear. Got to make the most of it, I guess.


My doctor said that she wasn’t sure what I could do besides make it inhospitable for them. From what she had learned, they hated it when a person nodded yes or no, as it put them off balance. They also seemed to dislike yoga and mediation. Yoga because of the off centered poses and meditation because it sent a creepy calm through the ear canal.


And no matter what, under any circumstances, was I to feed them too much sugar. It would hype them up like all get out and they would be pulling those strings like it was going out of style.

—


That's what I left with that day and ever since it’s been a fun ride.


I do spin from time to time but at least I know what’s going on. I just tell those little critters to move over and let me lead and they laugh their asses off knowing who's really in charge.


All Rights Reserved. @ L. Masaracchia 2023

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